YES, I AM FULLY PREPARED FOR ARMAGEDDON!
I’D LIKE TO GIVE YOU-
I DON’T WANT ANY FREE ISSUES OF THE WATCHTOWER!
THERE IS A KINGDOM-
WILL YOU PLEASE FUCK OFF SO I CAN FINISH MY SHOWER?
—Max Beckmann, Birds’ Hell (Hölle der Vögel, 1938), Oil on canvas.
Oh, what’s up seagull?
“hey man, can I come in for a beer”
“it wont be like last time, I promise”
“get the fuck out of here seagull”
“man, I’m trying to be cool, but I will peck the shit out of this window”
“nothing, maybe can I bum a cig”
“jesus h christ, I’ll get out the instant rice if you dont get off that window sill”
“I thought we were cool man, whatever. I can take a hint.”
“so, that cigarette”
“oh, dude, you know I only smoke american spirits, you actually smoke these. you know they’re full of..”
“get out, get the fuck out, i hate you.”
Photos by Ricardo Kuehn
what the fuck did I just read
Welp, I’ve got a new phrase in my lexicon
That is A LOT of birds! A Florida airport is hiring a full-time avian expert at $76,000 a year to stop birds from fowl-ing up its flights.
Up until now, airport staff took turns firing deafening flare guns and propane cannons into the air to ward off vultures, grackles, American kestrels, cattle egrets, doves, pigeons and occasionally a pelican or seagull.
“We’re not just hiring somebody you can find at a park,” said Mike Nonnemacher, the airport operations director for Broward County.
“The $118,000 is pennies compared to losing a $2 million engine,” he said. “We’re being proactive.”
A young Kyrgyzstani boy apprentices for his father who practices the ancient tradition of ”berkutchy,” or eagle hunting. This enormous Golden Eagle has a wingspan bigger than his trainer and is one of the most powerful predators in the world, known to bring down foxes, goats, and small deer.
the only bird I COULDN’T beat up in an enclosed environment is probably like an ostrich or a cassowary or maybe certain very large swans
they would kill me or in the case of the swan probably bite my nuts
but besides that I bet I could totally beat all the other birds up